By the grace of God I have over three years clean from my drug of choice. Crystal Meth. I used practically ever day for over 40 years. With one small break during a 3 year prison term a couple attempts at getting clean 3 months one time and 18 months another. For the last 20 years I was an IV user. I do blame my addiction for my HIV because it caused me to also be a sex addict and to crave sex with men constantly. Anonymous raw sex was my favorite. I was married twice to women during this time and my very grateful I didn’t give HIV to them. I don’t consider myself gay or even bi when I’m not under the influence. I currently have a girlfriend and we have a healthy sex life using condemns and she knows everything about my past. I had no more desire to be with men at all since I quit using and can honestly say I’ve never been with a man unless I was hi. I do not judge the gay lifestyle and I believe I have great compassion for all people.
Just for today!!!

Hi , I used to say hi my name is April and I'm a recovering addict but now I'm Child of GOD and my clean date is coming up May 22, 2005

Oh, yeah. It did. But I've been clean and sober for 6 yrs, thankfully. I don't dwell on it and move forward as best as I can.

Early on in my life I used pornography and sex alone or with others as my gateway dependence. I did it because I wasn't sure who I was but I knew I enjoyed watched straight porn. Then it went to sex toys and poppers. Then at 34 years old I got involved in meth and entered sex with thousands of men in sex houses, drug dealers houses, the woods or the back of a car.

I was a habitual cheater and confessed the reason to all of my gay boyfriends. They were receptive, forgiving, and just wanted me to live a good life. It touched my heart.

At the age of 48 years old, I asked God why I have led a destructive journey. He said because I made you transgender and this is the reason for your mistakes. Since I moved to the west coast (L.A.) and was already going to the L.A. L.G.B.T. Center, I went in to start my new authentic life. Things have not always gone smoothly with my transition but I'm going to do the best I can. The changes I have experienced have helped me evolve. I have nothing to hide and I'm hopeful that some day a man will come in my life and accept me.

I think there is a link of gay men and hiv. I use to think it was every gay man but I was (VERY WRONG). I use to be a part of the online PNP Group who experimented doing injections. I am so glad I turned it all around because drugs aged me, tore my self esteem and body down, but due to my coming out, I have an opportunity to turn it around and hopefully make a good friend, a good family member, a good person in the community.

Cynthia.

Actualmente estoy lidiando con eso. La depresión, la baja autoestima y los antecedentes familiares son definitivamente factores por los que siempre busco adormecer el dolor. Pero sé que no puedo seguir así porque si lo hago, no será el VIH el que me eliminará.

I’m currently dealing with it now. Depression , low self esteem , and family history are definitely factors to why I’m always seeking to numb the pain. But I know I can’t go on like this because if I do , it isn’t the HIV that’s going to take me out.